Interview #4: Caroline

Posted on December 2, 2007
Filed Under Interviews |

This is the fourth in a series of interviews with people who have successfully ‘dropped out’ of the rat race.

CarolineName: Caroline
Age: 30

Caroline met the love of her life while on holiday in Turkey and left behind her life in London to live with him in a small Turkish town.

Caroline is now a full-time mum and housewife and continues to adapt to the very different culture she is now living in.

Where do you live now and what do you do?

I live in a small town in South West Turkey called Nazilli, and I am a full-time mum and housewife.

Where did you live before you left the rat race and what did you do?

I used to live in London and I worked in an office as an administrator.

What made you decide to drop out of the rat race?

I never had any big career plans, I guess I was waiting to meet the right man to settle down and have a family with. However I didn’t expect to move to another country to do this.

I met my husband while I was on holiday with my mum. We didn’t have a holiday romance as such - our relationship started when I got back home and Yusuf (my husband) started sending me text messages. He didn’t speak much English and I didn’t speak Turkish, but love was our inspiration and we taught each other! We had a long-distance relationship for a year but it came to make or break. He hadn’t been able to get a visa to come to England so we had to decide if we were to make a go of it, it had to be Turkey. So I packed up and left.

How did you get started?

During the time our relationship had been going on, I had changed departments at work and was actually getting on well in my job, learning web administration and getting trained up to do IT support. It would have been diificult to give that up if it had been something I’d planned, but I already knew when I took the new post that it might not be for long. I guess I must have fallen in love when I first met Yusuf, even though part of me didn’t want to believe it, because as soon as I was back home in familiar surroundings, I knew I was ready to give all that up for the big L.

Once I made the decision to move to Turkey, I handed in my notice, gave myself two weeks after finishing work to pack up my belongings and get rid of what I couldn’t take with me. Luckily, I had a home to go to as I was moving in with Yusuf. And I had been going to evening classes to learn Turkish.

When I arrived I was in at the deep end - everybody knew who I was but with all the family and neighbours and casual acquaintances we met as Yusuf whizzed me about town, not to mention unfamiliar-sounding names, it was a whirlwind induction to a new life and lifestyle.

How is your life different now?

Strangely enough, the biggest change has been becoming a mum. It changes your whole perspective on life. I got pregnant within three months of getting married, which was a bit soon but it gave me something to look forward to as I was gettng used to my new life.

As well as learning a new language, I was getting used to a different culture. My life is more family-oriented now. It’s also more basic in many ways. Our hot running water is solar powered. In winter we use a stove for heating. We often eat Turkish style seated on the floor with a low table consisting of a tray set on a stand. Our diet is generally very healthy - lots of fresh locally grown vegetables. I shop at the weekly market held two streets away. We do also use the supermarkets, but its fun to go to the market.

Friends and neighbours call round often - visitig is a big part of the culture. That took a lot of getting used to - and it means its more important to keep your home tidy as you never know when someone might pop in!

As any new mum will tell you, I don’t seem to get a lot of time to myself! But I get a lot of help looking after baby, and a lot of advice, which I take with a pinch of salt. There are many superstitions and strange customs, but if I can understand why something may be advantageous, I usually go with the flow.

My life has changed so much its difficult to ennumerate. My main purpose is to keep my husband and son happy and well-fed, and they provide me with love and amusement. When our son has grown up a bit I may look for a job, or perhaps teach English. Being a foreigner makes me instantly exotic and interesting, although I can pass for a Turk until converstaion gets beyond the pleasantries!

The best change for me is that I give thanks every day now for what I have, even on the tough days when nothing seems to go right, we have a home and food on the table, and we are lucky to be living this wonderful life.

What have been the highs and lows so far?

The first few months were a whirlwind of delights - everything was new and full of possibility. We were young lovers just starting out. Our wedding was another highlight, as some of my family came for our Turkish-style wedding (a few months after our civil ceremony).

The birth of our son, naturally a highlight! The lows came afterwards: sleepness nights and stress and constant feeding and changing of nappies!

The toughest thing is that standard jobs in our town are really demanding. Long hours and long weeks. Sometimes my husband was working from 8am to 10pm at night - Saturdays too. The normal working week is something like 60 hours. The stress from work has made our lives miserable at times.

Would you have done anything differently?

Catch me in a bad moment and I would say I should have been more assertive and been more English at times. But actually, as we are living here I can’t enforce my culture on a whole country! And also I have to be myself. I don’t like too much conflict so I always try to be flexible. Maybe I’ve been assimilated more than I expected, but right now I am happy with my life so I guess the only thing I would do differently if I could would be to worry less and be less stressed generally, as it has all worked out ok so far!

Do you have a philosophy or a mode you like to live by?

A positive outook is the best mode to operate in. I am an eternal optimist, and my husband too is a different kind of optimist. The kind that doesn’t make plans! Many people here tell me that if I am smiling, it is enough for them. This is their kindness and hospitality - to forgive any social gaffes I may make, if they have been able to make me happy and comfortable.

So I always try to look on the bright side - we are thankful for the small things in life and we do fine without the luxuries if our basic needs are met. The most important thing for us is love, and as long as we remember that, we can be happy. The power of love is very apparent in our lives, as we are both aware we have changed our lives for love.

What advice would you give to someone wanting to do the same thing?

Don’t forget what made you want to do it in the first place!

Stumble it!

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