True signs of success

Posted on December 18, 2007
Filed Under Emotions, Self Improvement |

In this life, there is a lot of pressure to show socially-acceptable signs of success: high income, high powered job,  big house and car, being constantly in demand, always on the phone and so on.

If your life doesn’t look like that, it is easy to be a bit defensive about it in a social situation. You might find yourself coming out with expressions of justification, such as:

“It hasn’t always been like this, you know…
I used to have a high-powered job…
This is just a temporary situation…
I’ve got a plan to earn loads of money in the future…”

While all of these things may be perfectly true, it would great to be proud of who you are now and where you are heading. But such is the social conditioning that it can take a long time to shed conventional notions of success. It can be particularly difficult at social events, where people you’ve just met are asking, “So what do you do?”

I was at a social event the other day and found myself using one of these justifications. Someone made a remark about a mutual acquaintance being much more high-powered than me, and I instantly bristled and was somewhat affronted. Afterwards though, I felt like an idiot because deep down I don’t really mind if my life doesn’t conform to other people’s metrics of success. But I had still felt the twinge of inferiority as the social conditioning kicked in.

In order to bring out this apparent dichotomy, I made a list of all the aspects of my life that are seen as social negatives, and a list of all the aspects that I see as positive. Here’s what they looked like:

Social negatives - “unsuccessful”

My positives - “successful”

Those lists are quite revealing. It’s not simply that they show that a low-powered life can be a positive life, but – more importantly - they also show that I have actively made choices to live a certain way. I am not on benefits or doing temporary work because there is no alternative. I’ve chosen these things because they are part of a plan and contribute to making me happy.

Not everyone would make the same choices, of course. Some people really do want to earn loads of money and have a high-powered job. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The challenge for high-powered people is to become genuinely worthwhile, happy and fulfilled. I am sure we have all encountered managers, directors and other executives who have all the trappings of power but are either a waste of space where the job is concerned or are high achievers at the expense of their health, families, sanity!

But perhaps we also know people who are not only enjoying the trappings of power, but are actually using their power to do good things, are working to achieve something they really believe in. Perhaps they have given up a bit of money and prestige to spend more time with their kids or are using their high-powered positions to help a good cause. I have met a handful of people like this and it seems like a very good way to live your life.

One of the lessons of the excellent book Your Money or Your Life is that a happy and fulfilling life is one where everything you do is aligned with your values and life purpose. This will look different for different people and you wouldn’t be able to tell from someone’s job title whether they were in this position or not.

So how will I try to deal with this awkward social situation in the future? By not minding what people think and just being honest. If you are truly happy, fulfilled and positive about your life, this will naturally come across in the way you talk about it.

Have you encountered this issue? How do you deal with it?

See also Advantages of a low-flying career

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Comments

5 Responses to “True signs of success”

  1. JRL on December 20th, 2007 11:29 am

    Fantastic article! Since my journey of leaving the rat race began, this has been an issue that I’ve struggled with greatly.

    Much love for writing it.

    Cheers

  2. Paula on December 20th, 2007 12:49 pm

    I know what you mean!!! I often make a joke out of it rather than try to explain. I like idea of your lists, might try that myself.

    Love the site BTW!!!

  3. sally on December 20th, 2007 10:36 pm

    Hi JRL - thank you! I suspect many people struggle with this one, so the more we can support each other, the better.

    Actually, I had the opposite thing happen to me today, which was nice! Someone at work (I am temping at the moment) commented that I had an ‘aura of calm’ around me. So the positive side of dropping out *is* sometimes seen and envied!

    Hi Paula - making a joke out of it sounds like a great idea. I’m very bad at taking myself lightly, but it’s something I’d like to be able to do better!

  4. Brax on April 25th, 2008 2:59 pm

    Hi there

    It is so nice to know I am not alone and that I am also not mad. Had a high paid job in recruitment, hated it and quit not knowing what I was going to do. Strangley altho had just taken on larger mortgage just believed it would work out ok. Had a whole month off which was wonderful. Ended up temping. Then temping agency found me a new and very nice job - low paid but the people are lovely, I have no resposibility and its very relaxed. Job easy and takes little effort. Bonus is get taken all over world since company attitude is employees are more faithful if included in eg. Trade fayres etc. They are quite right! At same time have big ideas to start own soap making business a but its nice to do it at my own pace with no big rush. I do believe one day I will be better off but theres no rush and no pressure at work and I really can do with out the stress. Great Blog. Very inspiring. I shall visit often

  5. sally on April 25th, 2008 11:23 pm

    @ Brax: same here, nice to know I’m not alone either! I would also like to start my own business but - like you - am happy to take my time. Learning to live at a slower pace without stress is enough right now. Good luck in your life!

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